FAQS
Frequently Asked Questions
What is IAT?
Integrated Attachment Theory.
See What is Integrated Attachment Theory for more information.
Who developed IAT?
Thais Gibson, who also founded the Personal Development School
What do you mean when you use the word "reprogramming?"
When we say that we are "programmed" in childhood, we are referring to what is taught to us by caregivers or others through punishment and praise. We start associating our different traits and behaviors as "good" or "bad". We develop negative core beliefs that limit our potential and through which we see and interpret the outside world. The repetition of this conditioning starts to feel familiar which becomes our subconscious comfort zone. We are drawn to experiences that align with our subconscious comfort zone which can keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.
Reprogramming is the identification and dissolution of limiting beliefs we developed earlier in our life from personal experience or observation. Our goal in reprogramming is to change our subconscious comfort zone to allow for more of our authentic self-expression in our daily lives. It is using the language of the subconscious - emotion and imagery - to replace fear and limiting self-beliefs through feeling and thinking of specific life examples that counter the limiting beliefs. With practice (repetition), we "reprogram" our subconscious comfort zone. As a result we have more control over and responsibility for the direction we want our lives to go, rather than reactively living life on autopilot through a lens of what is not true - and what we wouldn't actively choose - for ourselves. Reprogramming is simply a tool for personal empowerment.
Let's look at the belief "I am not good enough." Humans aren't born thinking they aren't good enough. That belief is taught to us by caregivers or from our external world. If we see the world through the belief that we aren't good enough, then we won't move in the direction of creating the career or the relationships that we want because we won't believe that it is possible. Or look at the belief "I will be alone forever." We reprogram this belief by feeling and visualizing all of the real ways (specific examples) that we do have connection in our lives.
What is the difference between Nervous System Regulation and Somatic Processing?
Nervous System Regulation is a regular practice of training your nervous system to be in parasympathetic mode. This is helpful for folks who observe that they often exist in a sympathetic nervous system state of Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn. Somatic experiencing is feeling emotions in your body. Somatic experiencing can be helpful when feeling a strong or charged emotion, by observing the sensations in your body, and then working to equilibrate them.
What is your philosophy of being a coach?
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Is going back deep into past traumas necessary for the coaching process?
No it is not. We will look at what challenges you have in your current life and from that we'll be able to explore core wounds, etc. I do not having training as a therapist so that is out-of-scope of what I can offer as a coach. If you are looking to go in-depth into past memories then you'll want to seek out a therapist you feel comfortable working with, in addition to or in replacement for, working with an attachment coach.
What if I had a lot of trauma in the past and can't remember big portions of my childhood?
The stress of complex trauma can cause a person to be in a chronic mode of survival and/or dissociation. Being in either of these states negatively affects the brain's capacity to store memories. Not remembering much from childhood can be a direct result of having experienced childhood trauma. https://integrativelifecenter.com/childhood-trauma-memory-loss/
We can heal without having memories. We heal through identifying struggles we are currently experiencing and working on that. If an experience causes us to develop a core wound, the core wound will still be active today if unhealed, regardless of whether we remember what specific event(s) caused it in the first place.
What if I'm already seeing a therapist? Is coaching for me?
You can absolutely work with both a therapist and a coach. It's up to you.
I keep hearing the term "narcissistic supply," but I don't really know what that means.
Narcissistic supply refers to the need of the narcissist to gain external validation and/or control over others. If a narcissist can get an emotional reaction out of you - positive or negative - then that makes the narcissist feel like they have power over you. They see having power over someone else as "strength," or winning, and any other interpersonal dynamic (including reciprocity) as weakness or dependency. That dynamic is narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply also refers to compliments and praise that you give the narcissist as validation.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is the denial of a person's experience, perception, memory or reality for the purpose of having power, dominance and control over the person. Gaslighting is not simply lying or a disagreement in opinion.
What age of people do you coach?
I work with individuals who are legally adults. In the US that is 18+ years old.